Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
