Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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