Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
