bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
