Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
