never play flip cup with pint glasses
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Need sex. Gaining weight.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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