I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
