Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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