dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The best revenge is premature balding
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
