dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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