how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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