Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
