what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
