All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
