I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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