im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
