dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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