Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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