What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
