Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
