Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
