I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
