roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize