what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
