1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
