Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can I color on your dick again?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
