Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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