girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
