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How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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