it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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