Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
