if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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