my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
