the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drunk is not a location!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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