Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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