Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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