All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
