I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
