idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
