This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
try to milk me bitch
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
