Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
