I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How does one acquire holy water?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
