If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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