Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
