Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
