just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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