he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
