he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
