so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
