His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
