Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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