nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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