After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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