There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
