We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize