people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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