There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I need to align my fucking chakras
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