we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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