It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize