Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
