I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
