Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
