thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
