is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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