I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
