you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
