u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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