his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize