so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
there is glitter all over my balls
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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