She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
