During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
