Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
