Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
