just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
