Non-Jews are for practice
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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