just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
