He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
