I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The uberlube is also flammable
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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