dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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