wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
