It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
