I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
