she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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