Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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