In the future we'll all be gay
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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