RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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