Don't make out with my wife yet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
