i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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