These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize