real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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