You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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