gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
