im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
