Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
