Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
