woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize