I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
