My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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