Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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