Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
