and she was petting her beer can
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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