I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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