he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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