I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize