Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
