fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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