I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
