the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
